by Jon S. Rice, LCSW-R
“Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives,” says, Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., in his New York Times best seller, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.1
I want to live in a world where my children, and all of us, can feel safe, experiencing meaningful and satisfying lives. However, the pandemic with its many tentacles that have been imposed upon us2 has threatened the very connections which are so necessary to fulfilling this desire. Personal disconnection has occurred in a variety of ways. Children and their teachers may have been separated by plexiglass if in-person instruction has happened at all. Our facial expressions have been obscured by masks. Illness, hospitalizations and deaths have severed connections with loved ones.
Underlying such serious concerns lie fear, anxiety, and suffering. It is fitting to be reminded of nature’s realm where there may exist a place of calm. For example, the “Eye” amid a hurricane’s turbulence.3 The integration of restorative practices and the Internal Family Systems’ model of Self-Leadership, provides a pathway to experience greater calm and connection – to be the “I” in the storm.4
Perhaps it’s these fears, sorrows, and woundedness we experience in the face of disconnecting experiences, of which Walt Whitman in his poem “Song of Myself” writes:
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then, I contradict myself.
(I am large, I contain multitudes)
When we apply restorative principles (e.g., doing things "with" rather than punishing, or neglecting our myriad thoughts, feelings, images, and sensations), we open space for something else to emerge. It’s here we experience our core "Self."6 It’s here we are in the best place to connect with others, offer healing opportunities, promote well-being, and become the “I” in the storm.
It’s becoming the “I” in the storm, where we embrace Self-Led Restorative Practice, not as a new program or initiative, but rather as a way of thinking and being. From this focused place we create safe spaces for real conversations that deepen our relationships and build stronger more connected communities.7
Within these safe spaces, real conversations and more connected communities can happen – in schools, workplaces, neighborhoods, and families. Imagine the potential for more meaningful and satisfying lives and the impact such communities can have on policies and practices which affect us all!8
To hear multiple perspectives from members of the global Self-Leadership Collaborative9 on ways such paradigms and practices are being employed in schools, please visit the Foundation for Self Leadership’s free 3-part 2022 Series, "Sustaining Hope in Our Schools" (recordings available).10
NOTES:
- The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. (2015, p.81)
- Managing Chronic Illness Using the Four-Phase Treatment Approach, by Patricia A. Fennell (2003)
- Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model, by Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D. (2001)
- Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D., Personal Communication (November 8, 2018)
- Walt Whitman, “Song of Myself” (1892, Stanza 51)
- Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D., Personal Communication (November 8, 2018)
- "Clearing Away the Stigma Around Mental Health Issues," by Mark vander Vennen (Podcast, 2016)
- “Proactive Restorative Practices: Creating the Conditions for Individuals and Communities to Flourish,” by Gina Baral Abrams (DrPH, EdM, LSW), Mary Jo Hebling (MS), Beth Smull (MS, CADC), (PDF, 2018)
- Self-Leadership Collaborative
- Foundation for Self Leadership’s free 3-part Series, “Sustaining Hope in Our Schools” (recordings available)